What Is a Midlife Crisis and How to Deal With It

The other day I was contemplating how disorganized my life was. I had no time or energy to do anything. My plans and ideas were somewhere stuck on my head.  Life was undoubtedly happening without much input or direction from me. Dissatisfied about practically everything, I wanted things to be different.  I heartily wish for more time with my husband, kids and myself. I long for a space to read and exercise, for time to take my kids swimming or for a whole day with my husband.

At work, things were terrible.  After many years at my current job, my boss has nicely told me that she had it with me. Bother by my condition I tried many things to feel better. I tried shopping, exercising, meditation, etc. but things were not changing.   I asked myself an important question: what in my inner life, was causing the chaos and disconnection of the present moment?. With that question in mind, I sat for a while thinking for possible answers.

First, I look for excuses in my marital life.  I picked little fights with my husband but shortly realized that was no it. Maybe I was too tired from taking care of my three children. Could it be that my job no longer challenges me? Or perhaps I need to lose weight. I had many thoughts in my mind; however, the next morning I woke up with two predominant thoughts. One was an early midlife crisis and my abandoned self.

Yes, and there I was with a crisis.   Overwhelmed, tired and consumed, I try to fight this realization and thought what about my husband and children, the rest of my family? I genuinely treasure them and feel grateful to have them.  However, having a beautiful family by my side did not change the fact that I had neglected myself. I just forgot about the part of me that needed care, love, and attention.  Instead, I was so busy with my life, trying to be everything, that at some point, I lost touch with myself.

A midlife crisis is an emotional time in a person’s life where everything is disorganized and in chaos. People usually feel dissatisfaction, no sense of direction and have many questions about why life is the way it is. Midlife crisis often happens between mid-thirties to fifties. Age usually plays a role as a person might feel like it is running out of time to pursue the life of their dreams. Some of the symptoms of a midlife crisis are: doing things that make you feel younger like buying new clothes, changing your physical appearance to look younger, purchasing expensive items, or hanging out with younger people.  Gratifications are often short-lived because is not addressing the underlying problem.

At the roots of a midlife crisis, you will find that the present state of your life does not conform with your wishes and desires and it bothers you.  The chaos in your life is the result of an inner conflict between your reality and what you truly desire. A pivotal question then arises; what to do? Do I make peace with what it is or do I live the way I want?  I found that lately, I was not directing my steps. For instance, I was so unhappy with the way I was managing my household, the way I looked, the little progress in my professional life.  I was not living the way I intended, but I was going with the flow, full of desires, but with no will power to pursue anything.

Drifting in waves of comfort, I thought about my sincere wishes, the ones I have forgotten or placed aside waiting to have time to pursue them. At some point, the inner conflict was just too big and it was manifesting in the form of the disorder, dissatisfaction and inability to perform.  I felt compelled to make changes, but I did not know where to star.

After realizing that I was far from what I always wanted, the question of what to do overwhelmed me.  The purpose of a midlife crisis is to help us move to a place of true happiness, awareness, and acceptance where we approach life with intention and determine the course of it.  We ought to live our lives in a way where we acknowledge ourselves, take our ideas seriously and pursue our dreams.  Too many people live their lives victims of their fears to search and their lack of belief that they can succeed.  I for a chance did not want to be like that anymore. I thought that if I desired something so much, as I was, I needed to make a move.  However, I decided to love and change.

I concluded that I was going to continue loving and appreciating many things in my life regardless of how they came about but also I am on board about making changes to make my life more like I want it.   It is so worth it to pursue my desires whether I fail or succeed.

It is essential to carefully evaluate the changes that you choose to implement in your life.  If you have a spouse and children, make sure you are careful not to hurt your family.

Here are six helpful suggestions to consider if you are going through a midlife crisis.

1.    Be real and kind to yourself.  Consider what you truly want and don’t beat yourself up because you have not listened to yourself before.  Focus on what you can do now.

2.    Be thankful for the people around you, their love and support and all your life’s experiences even when they are not in comfort with what you want.

3.    Write a list of things you dislike and how you think you can change it.  Work on this list for a few days until you are genuinely satisfied with what is in it.  Question your plans and share it with a good friend to get perspective.

4.     Look within yourself and see your attitude and emotions toward those things that you don’t like.  For instance, You might say I don’t want my job because my boss is not a nice person or my coworker is mean.  Maybe a change of attitude from you could help you improve the situation. You can put your focus on finding challenges at work to keep your interest and pay less attention to what people think about you.  Star small and if you don’t feel the difference, then do something else.

5.    Make a plan and execution schedule.  Do not rush. A plan and program will keep your focus and moving toward your goal.

6. Take care of yourself.  Find some time to rest and do things that will make you feel good.